The parenting philosophy of "Connection before Correction" is one effective tool that every parent should consider. Naturally, as new parents, we might not understand what this means. So we’ll talk about it here.
Imagine this: Finally, you’ve made it home after a long, tiring day. You go in, slam your bag down in the foyer, and then kick off your shoes before making your way to the kitchen. While strolling along, your partner calls out, “Hey, stop that. You better pick up your bag and shoes and act like an adult!”
So, how do you think you’d feel? At the very least, your partner’s expectations probably wouldn’t improve your mood. Or things could get even worse.
It’s the same with our kids. Whenever they are in the midst of intense emotions and someone yells at them to “Stop!” or “don’t,” they will likely react in the same way. Instead of immediately intervening to “correct” their actions, you should make an effort to “connect” with them.
What does it mean?
“Connection before correction” suggests that it is helpful for an adult to connect with a child’s feeling, state, experience, need, or desire before offering teaching or correction on the child’s behavior or expression because children are still learning (more than we adults are) about feelings.
So, what should we do?
Let’s imagine a kid is struggling with a task and starting to feel frustrated. He rudely took it from the table and left.A parent might say, “Hey, be careful with your things! Don’t leave that there or you won’t have it the next time!”
To connect before offering a correction may involve kinder words such as, “Hey, it seems like you got pretty frustrated by that; is there something I can help you with? We’ll have to start over if you don’t pick it up.”
If you’re at a loss for words to comfort them or understand their situation, remember that a simple hug can go a long way. Hugs are a great way to make a person feel connected, it can help kids self-regulate (if they let you) and may even be beneficial for you. Correction that follows a hug is more likely to be accepted.
How to build relationships with kids and improve their behavior
By simply identifying their emotions and working with a child to develop an appropriate response can have a significant impact. If your 4-year-old tosses his blocks after his friend knocks them down, try not to yell at him.
Instead of saying “Settle down!Don’t throw blocks!” acknowledge their feelings and talk with them to figure out the issue. You can say, “You seem agitated. How can I help you?”
Think of things that might help, whether it’s giving a glass of water, a hug, or going to his safe place.
After your kid has worked through his or her feelings, you can go back to the situation and correct him or her by bringing up safer, healthier ways of expressing those words. Just imagine how much more responsive you would be to your partner’s correction about throwing off your shoes and bag if they say, “Looks like today was a rough one. Do you want to get a drink and hash things out?”
When you talk to your child before correcting them, you position yourself as a person who will support them rather than fight against their feelings. Teaching your child to identify their feelings is a big step toward helping them learn to control those feelings on their own.
Teaching your child more healthy coping mechanisms for managing their emotions can make them more responsive to your “correction.” Building deeper relationships and aiding people around you by teaching your child to recognize and understand the feelings of others.
Conclusion
We’re all susceptible to emotional overload at times. If you take the time to connect with your child before disciplining them, you can give them the tools they need to handle strong emotions with confidence.
Always be there for your child, through the good times and the bad, to play, laugh, listen, embrace, empathize, and share your love. You may build a solid foundation for the future on the solid ground of your relationship with your child now, and hope that your influence is still felt once your child becomes a teenager or young adult.