There is probably no parent out there who hasn’t looked back on something they said or did to their kid. You might have snapped at your toddler because you were too exhausted to take care of the house, or you might have told a kid who requested a little additional screen time, “You’re always using your gadgets!”, citing the pressure you were under at work.’
Numerous studies have examined the relationship between maternal stress, whether from work-related pressures or other sources, and parenting behaviors. High levels of stress can impact a parent’s ability to respond to their child’s needs effectively and may lead to less nurturing or more negative parenting behaviors.
For instance, Robust research shows that parenting stress is associated with lower levels of parental sensitivity toward their children (i.e., parental responsiveness), thus negatively influencing child outcomes.
It’s important to acknowledge that parenting can be challenging, and many parents may have moments of frustration or raise their voices from time to time. Yelling can be a natural response to stress or when dealing with challenging behaviors from children. However, it’s also essential to recognize that yelling is not the most effective or healthy way to communicate with children, and it can have negative consequences on their emotional well-being and the parent-child relationship.
The most crucial parenting technique
Focusing on repair is an important and constructive approach when you find yourself snapping at your child, husband, or colleague. None of us are perfect, and it’s entirely normal to have moments where we fall short of our own expectations or those of others. What matters most is how we handle these situations and learn from them. Repairing the relationship and demonstrating accountability can be a powerful way to strengthen your connections with others.
Taking responsibility for your behavior and acknowledging the impact it had on another person is a crucial technique not only in parenting but in all relationships. It fosters open communication, empathy, and trust. When you’re dealing with work-related pressure and stress, using this technique in your parenting can help maintain a healthy parent-child relationship. Here’s how to do it effectively:
Reflect on Your Behavior:
First, take a moment to reflect on your actions or words. Consider whether you reacted in a way that you’re not proud of or if you raised your voice due to stress from work.
Own Your Behavior:
Acknowledge your behavior to yourself. Recognize that you reacted negatively or inappropriately.
Apologize Sincerely:
Approach your child and offer a sincere apology. Say something like, “I’m sorry for raising my voice earlier. That was not the right way for me to react.”
Acknowledge the Impact:
Explain to your child that you understand how your behavior might have made them feel. You can say, “I know that when I yelled, it might have scared you or made you upset, and I’m really sorry for that.”
Express Your Feelings:
Share your own feelings and stressors with your child, but do so in an age-appropriate way. You might say, “I had a very stressful day at work, and I let my frustration out on you, which wasn’t fair.”
Maintaining a positive relationship
When parents are under pressure at work and dealing with stress, it’s essential to prioritize strategies that maintain a positive and supportive parent-child relationship. The most important strategy in such situations is maintaining effective communication with your children. Here’s how to do it:
Open and Honest Communication: Encourage open and honest communication with your children. Let them know that they can talk to you about their feelings, concerns, and experiences without judgment.
Active Listening: Practice active listening when your child wants to share something with you. Give them your full attention, make eye contact, and show empathy by acknowledging their feelings.
Validate Their Emotions: Understand that children may also be experiencing stress or emotions related to your work pressure. Validate their feelings and reassure them that it’s okay to feel the way they do.
Explain Your Situation: In an age-appropriate manner, explain to your child why you might be feeling stressed due to work. Help them understand that your stress is not their fault, and it doesn’t change your love and care for them.
Set Realistic Expectations: Be realistic about what you can and cannot do during times of high work pressure. Let your children know if you need to adjust your usual routines or activities temporarily.
Quality Time: Make an effort to spend quality time with your children, even if it’s in shorter bursts. Engage in activities they enjoy and create positive memories together.
Routine and Predictability: Maintain a consistent daily routine to provide stability and predictability for your children, which can help them feel secure during stressful times.
Delegate and Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to delegate responsibilities or ask for help when needed. Seek support from your partner, family, or friends to share the load of parenting duties.