Let’s be honest—have you ever found yourself more drawn to one child than the other? Maybe one is easier to manage, shares your interests, or just seems to “get” you better. If so, you’re not alone. Many parents, whether they admit it or not, experience moments of favoritism. But here’s the thing: even if it’s unintentional, children notice—and it can leave a lasting impact.
“But I love all my children equally…”
Of course, you do. Most parents truly do love their children equally. But love and preference can sometimes look different in day-to-day interactions. One child might receive more praise because they’re doing well in school. Another might get more cuddles because they’re more affectionate. And that’s where children start to sense a difference.
Children are quick to notice patterns
Children are incredibly perceptive. They pick up on tone, body language, and subtle differences in how they’re treated compared to their siblings. Even if you’re just going through a stressful phase with one child and not the other, the less-favored child may begin to feel:
- Less valued
- Less confident
- Less secure in your love
These feelings don’t disappear with age. In fact, favoritism—real or perceived—can shape a child’s self-esteem, sibling relationships, and even how they parent in the future.
The long-term impact of favoritism
When a child believes they are not the favorite, it can lead to:
- Resentment toward siblings
(“They always get away with everything.”) - Chronic self-doubt
(“Why can’t I ever be good enough?”) - People-pleasing or rebellious behavior
(Trying to “earn” love or rejecting it altogether.)
Meanwhile, the “favorite” child might feel pressured to always perform, or struggle with guilt for receiving more attention.
What can parents do?
Here are a few simple yet powerful steps:
- Acknowledge your own feelings
It’s okay to admit if you feel closer to one child at times. The key is to be mindful and not let that influence how you treat them. - Balance your time and attention
Even small efforts like one-on-one time, eye contact, or listening without distraction can help a child feel seen and valued. - Celebrate each child’s uniqueness
Instead of comparing, focus on appreciating what makes each child different—and communicating that regularly. - Watch your language
Phrases like “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” can cut deep. Try shifting to “I love how you always try your best.”
Encourage sibling bonds, not rivalry
Avoid creating competition. Instead, nurture teamwork and mutual respect among siblings.
Final Thoughts
You’re human, and parenting isn’t about always getting it right. But being aware of how favoritism—no matter how subtle—can affect your child is the first step toward creating a more loving, balanced home.
Every child wants to feel like they matter. And to them, the way you see them means everything.
Learn more about: What Should Not Be Talked About in Front of Kids