It's a bittersweet experience to watch your children become independent individuals. You find it fulfilling to watch your children develop into their own unique selves, and you now embrace your newfound freedom.
As time goes on, it becomes clear that they can’t devote as much attention to you as you’d wish to. They have moved on with their lives and are now employed, raising families, and socializing with friends and acquaintances of their own. For this reason, you may experience feelings of neglect and loneliness (commonly known as “empty nest syndrome”) if your children have moved out.
If you feel this way, it’s because you’ve failed to recognize and accept that your responsibility as a parent and the expectations you have with your adult children have evolved along with it. While it may be difficult to keep in touch with your grown children, there are still ways to do it.
1. Act as their companion
When our children are young, we often make choices for them and expect them to accept our decisions without question or discussion because “I said so.” As they get older, though, it becomes unreasonable to assume that they would always agree with your judgment of what is best for them.
Note that forcing your views on someone can sour the relationship and make them reluctant to confide in you again. If you want to respect someone’s need for independence, you should refrain from passing judgment or making unsolicited comments about their habits or decisions. So, give them space to make their own decisions, whether it is about a profession or a long-term relationship. We might not be up-to-date on current events and so not be in a good position to make choices on their behalf.
Be there for them as a confidant when they need advice, a cheerleader when they’re feeling low, and celebrate with them when they reach milestones. You can trust them to use their judgment and discretion because of the principles you’ve taught in them.
2. Be mindful of their time and space
Our children’s schedules will become increasingly hectic as they become older. Their professional and personal responsibilities grow. Can you think back to when you were so busy with life that you couldn’t fit in much of anything else? Maybe you were aiming for a promotion at work or you just had a baby. Likewise, it would be unfair to expect our kids to be available to us whenever we want them to be or to spend as much time with us as we would like.
Instead, make an effort to put yourself in your children’s shoes and show them some compassion. Keep in mind that they may be in the middle of something important at the moment and unable to return your call right away. Instead of harboring resentment or dropping by unexpectedly, you would be better served by adjusting your mode of communication to match theirs. A good place to start is by asking when and how they like to be contacted. This shows that you value their time and attention, which will only build your bond with them.
3. Focus on building our own sense of self and way of life rather than the lives of our children
It’s true that most parents have less time for themselves after having children. But if being a parent is making every decision based on what’s best for the kids, we risk having unreasonable expectations for them. To what extent, for instance, do we anticipate that our offspring will take care of us physically and financially in the same way that we have in the past? How important is it to us that they be accessible anytime we need them?
Our children may feel obligated to comply out of a sense of guilt, which can place a strain on the parent-child connection. Therefore, it is crucial that we maintain our individual identities in addition to our parental ones.
To begin, think about picking up hobbies and interests you put on the back burner while raising a family. Get back in touch with old pals and make some new ones. Get involved in a nonprofit or learn a new skill.
Steps should be taken toward financial independence so that you can live life on your own terms and not have to rely on your children for financial support, which can be a source of anger for both of you.
Build your retirement funds through a solid plan that can help you secure a comfortable retirement income in your prime years. Having this kind of plan will secure you financially to live the kind of lifestyle you desire.
In the end, you’ll see that your kids’ small tokens of affection and financial support are given to you out of love, not obligation.
Invest in your personal development and financial stability
It is true that the only constant in life is change, and this includes the dynamics of our relationships with our children. As they take on new responsibilities, we as parents must adjust our approach to raising them and our goals for them. Meanwhile, we should take advantage of this period to focus on our own development and financial stability, making us less reliant on our kids in the long run.
Discuss your options for reaching your financial goals with a Financial advisor today.