How to Tell Your Child You’re Separating: A Guide for Parents

Separation and divorce are difficult decisions for any family. But one of the hardest parts is figuring out how to tell your child that their parents are separating. It’s a moment that can shape how they process the change, so it’s worth preparing for it with care and honesty.

Below is a guide to help you approach this delicate conversation with your child in a way that prioritizes their emotional safety and wellbeing.

1. Prepare Together (If Possible)

If you and your partner can, plan to break the news together. Presenting a united front shows your child that while your relationship is changing, you’re still both their parents, and you’ll continue to work as a team for them.

Take time to agree on what you’ll say. Avoid blaming or arguing in front of your child — this is about their needs, not unfinished conflicts.

2. Choose the Right Time and Place

Pick a quiet moment when you won’t be interrupted — not before school or bedtime. Make sure you have time to answer questions and comfort them afterward.

A familiar, safe place like home can help your child feel more secure.

3. Use Simple, Clear Language

Children need clear, age-appropriate explanations. You don’t need to share every detail, but you do need to be honest.

For example:

“Mummy and Daddy have decided that we can’t live together anymore, but we both love you very much, and that will never change.”

Avoid giving them false hope that you might get back together if that’s unlikely. Children do better when they understand what’s happening and what will stay the same.

4. Reassure Them: It’s Not Their Fault

Children often blame themselves when their parents split up. Make sure they hear, more than once, that the separation is not because of anything they did or didn’t do.

You could say:

“This is an adult problem between Mummy and Daddy. Nothing you did caused this.”

5. Explain What Will Change — And What Won’t

Help your child understand the practical side in simple terms:

• Where will they live?
  
  
• When will they see each parent?
  
  
• Will they stay at the same school?
  
  

The more they know, the less they’ll fear the unknown. If some details aren’t decided yet, it’s okay to say so — just promise to keep them informed.

6. Make Space for Their Feelings

Every child reacts differently: some cry, some get angry, some go quiet. Let them know all feelings are okay. Listen without judgment.

You can say:

“It’s okay to feel sad or mad or confused. We’re here to help you through this.”

Encourage questions and be prepared to revisit the conversation in the days and weeks ahead.

7. Keep Conflict Away From Your Child

After the talk, try to shield your child from any arguments. They need to see that you can work together for them. Avoid asking them to choose sides or pass messages between you.

8. Be Patient: Healing Takes Time

It’s normal for children to feel upset or act out. Try to maintain routines and keep life as stable as possible. Seek extra support if needed — family, friends, school counsellors, or child therapists can be valuable allies.