Parenting Isn’t About Doing More: Why “More” Isn’t Always Better for Your Child

In Singapore, parenting can sometimes feel like a never-ending checklist.

There is always something else to do.

Another enrichment class to consider. Another developmental milestone to prepare for. Another book to read. Another activity to plan. Another skill your child could learn. Another concern to research.

And behind all of it is a familiar question:

“Am I doing enough for my child?”

For many parents, the answer seems to become: I should be doing more.

But perhaps good parenting was never meant to be measured by how full our children’s schedules are or how much we manage to accomplish for them.

Increasingly, research in Singapore points us toward a different idea: parenting is not necessarily about doing more. It is about doing what matters.

The pressure to give children “the best”

Singapore is a highly achievement-oriented society, and parents naturally want their children to have every opportunity to succeed.

This can sometimes translate into a parenting mindset where more opportunities are assumed to mean better outcomes: more tuition, more enrichment, more structured activities, more educational resources and more supervision.

The problem is that childhood is not simply a project to optimise.

Children also need time to play, rest, explore, make mistakes, talk to their parents and experience ordinary family life.

Recent research using data from the Singapore Longitudinal Early Development Study examined more than 2,500 children aged three to almost seven. Researchers found that parental resources and parenting behaviours were connected to children’s executive functioning, while children’s everyday activities—including physical play and screen use—also mattered. Importantly, the findings highlight the interaction between parenting, children’s activities and the broader family environment rather than suggesting that parents simply need to add more activities.

In other words, the goal isn’t to fill every available hour.

It is to create an environment in which children can develop.

Quality matters more than a packed schedule

One of the most important ideas in modern parenting research is responsive or sensitive caregiving.

This means noticing a child’s signals, understanding what they may be communicating and responding appropriately—not perfectly, but consistently and warmly.

Singapore researchers are studying this very idea through The Science of LOVING, a large-scale parenting intervention involving 624 families. The study, led by researchers from NUS Medicine, NUS Saw Swee Hock School of Public Health, A*STAR, KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital, NTU and other institutions, is examining whether strengthening sensitive caregiving can improve children’s emotional, cognitive and physical outcomes.

This is an important reminder for parents.

Sometimes, parenting doesn’t require another activity.

It may simply require being present during the activity you are already doing.

Reading a bedtime story can become a conversation.

Eating dinner can become an opportunity to listen.

A walk to school can become a moment to talk.

Bath time can become playful connection.

Even five minutes of undivided attention can communicate something powerful to a child:

“You matter to me.”

Children don’t need perfect parents

Another trap of “doing more” parenting is the belief that every problem must be prevented.

Parents may feel responsible for anticipating every difficulty, correcting every behaviour and making every decision perfectly.

But children need opportunities to gradually develop independence too.

That means allowing them to try.

Sometimes they will fail.

Sometimes they will become frustrated.

Sometimes they will make a poor choice.

And sometimes the most helpful thing a parent can do is not immediately solve the problem.

Instead, we can ask:

“What do you think we can do?”

This gives children the opportunity to practise problem-solving, emotional regulation and decision-making.

The role of the parent slowly shifts from doing everything for the child to creating conditions in which the child can eventually do more for themselves.

More screen-free activities aren’t necessarily the whole answer either

Technology is another area where parents can easily feel guilty.

Singapore research has found meaningful associations between early screen exposure and children’s later movement behaviours. A longitudinal GUSTO study found that children who had higher screen viewing at ages two to three subsequently spent more time sedentary and less time in physical activity at around age five and a half.

More recent Singapore research has also examined possible longer-term associations between infant screen exposure, brain development and adolescent mental health.

These findings reinforce the importance of healthy digital habits—but they don’t mean parents need to create an elaborate programme to keep children constantly entertained.

Sometimes the solution is surprisingly ordinary:

Go downstairs.

Walk together.

Play with a ball.

Read a book.

Let your child help prepare dinner.

Talk while folding laundry.

Play pretend.

Let them be bored.

Not every moment needs to be educational.

Children learn through everyday experiences too.

Parents need support, not just more advice

There is another important part of this conversation that often gets overlooked:

Parents are people too.

A parent who is exhausted, overwhelmed and constantly worried about doing everything correctly may have less emotional capacity to be patient and responsive.

That is why supporting parents is not separate from supporting children.

Singapore has increasingly invested in parenting support and family programmes. The Ministry of Social and Family Development provides evidence-based programmes such as Triple P, Signposts and Purposeful Play, while Parenting for Wellness provides practical resources aimed at strengthening parent-child relationships, children’s mental well-being and parental confidence.

Government initiatives have also increasingly recognised the importance of giving parents more protected time and support. Singapore’s 2026 family-support measures include enhanced childcare leave, caregiving options and other forms of assistance intended to help parents balance family and work responsibilities.

This matters because parents shouldn’t have to carry the entire responsibility alone.

Grandparents, extended family, childcare professionals, teachers, therapists, community programmes and other trusted adults can all become part of a child’s support system.

Research involving Singaporean families has also examined grandparental caregiving and its relationship with children’s developmental outcomes, reflecting the important role that extended family can play in raising children.

Asking for help is not a sign that we are failing.

Sometimes, it is responsible parenting.

So, what does “doing enough” actually look like?

Perhaps it looks less impressive than we imagine.

It can mean:

Listening instead of immediately fixing.

Playing instead of constantly teaching.

Setting boundaries instead of controlling every choice.

Allowing children to struggle instead of removing every difficulty.

Creating routines instead of constantly adding activities.

Putting the phone away and being fully present for a few minutes.

Resting when we need to, so we can show up with more patience.

And perhaps most importantly, it means building a relationship in which a child knows:

I can come to my parent.

I am heard.

I am loved.

I am safe.

I don’t have to be perfect to belong.