First off, let me say this—you’re not alone. Many parents feel that sting when their child seems to prefer the nanny over them. Maybe your toddler runs to the nanny for a cuddle after a fall, or your little one lights up more when the nanny walks through the door. It’s natural to feel hurt, maybe even a little jealous. But take a deep breath—this doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent or that your child loves you any less. Let’s unpack what’s going on and talk about how you can nurture your bond with your child.
1. Why Does My Child Prefer the Nanny?
Let’s be honest—your nanny is probably with your child a lot. They’re the ones handling the daily grind: feeding, nap times, and all those playful moments in between. Naturally, that builds a bond. And guess what? That’s actually a good thing! It means your child feels safe and loved when you’re not around.
But here’s the key: No one can replace you as their parent. You’re the constant in their life, the one shaping who they are and who they’ll become. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it, your role is deeper and more meaningful than any temporary preference.
2. Don’t Take It Personally
I know this can hit you right in the feels, but try not to take it as a rejection. Kids live in the moment. If the nanny is the one giving snacks or playing a fun game, of course, they’ll run to them in that instant. But that’s just a reflection of the moment—not a measure of your child’s love for you.
And let’s be real—wouldn’t it be more worrying if your child didn’t like the nanny? The fact that they do just means you’ve chosen someone who’s caring and good at their job.
3. Let’s Talk About Quality Time
Here’s the thing: kids don’t measure love by how many hours you’re around. What they remember is how you spend the time you do have with them. Are you distracted by work, emails, or your phone when you’re together? Or are you fully present?
Even short bursts of undivided attention can do wonders. Try starting with:
- A bedtime routine where you read a book and talk about their day.
- Making breakfast together on weekends—it might get messy, but the memories will be worth it.
- A 10-minute play session before dinner that’s all about their favorite activity.
These aren’t grand gestures—they’re just moments where your child sees that you are there, focused, and engaged.
4. Team Up with the Nanny
Here’s an idea: instead of seeing the nanny as competition, think of them as your teammate. Talk openly with them about how they can help strengthen your bond with your child.
For example, you might ask them to encourage your child to wait for you to do certain activities, like bedtime stories or building that big Lego tower. They can also subtly shift attention back to you when you’re home, like saying, “Look, Mommy/Daddy’s here! Let’s show them what we’ve been working on.”
5. Create Your Own Special Rituals
Kids love routines, especially ones that are unique to them. Why not create something special that’s just between you and your child? It could be:
- A silly song you sing together before bed.
- A weekly “parent-and-me” outing, like a trip to the park or ice cream shop.
- A secret handshake or a funny phrase only you two share.
These small moments build connection and help your child associate you with fun, love, and security.
6. Patience Is Key
Let’s be honest—this isn’t going to change overnight. Kids go through phases, and their preferences can shift as quickly as their favorite foods. The most important thing is to stay consistent. Keep showing up, keep engaging, and let your love and presence do the talking.
7. Look Inward, But Be Kind to Yourself
Here’s a tough question—but one worth asking: Is there something about your parenting style that you’d like to improve? Maybe you’ve been extra busy with work or feeling burnt out, and your child is picking up on it.
This isn’t about blaming yourself—it’s about recognizing areas where you can grow. Sometimes, small changes, like being more present or setting aside time just for your child, can make a world of difference.
8. Celebrate the Bigger Picture
Remember, your nanny might win the small, everyday battles—like who gets the biggest hug after a nap—but you’re shaping the bigger picture. You’re the one teaching your child values, guiding their growth, and creating the foundation of their identity.
Your love, your care, and your role in their life are irreplaceable. It might feel like you’re playing catch-up right now, but over time, your bond will deepen in ways that no one else can replicate.
You’ve Got This
So, don’t be too hard on yourself. Parenting is a journey, and these moments are just a small part of it. Focus on being there, being present, and being the parent your child needs. You’ve got everything it takes to be their number one—even if it takes a little time and patience to get there.
You’re doing better than you think, and your child knows it—even if they can’t put it into words yet. Keep showing up, keep loving them, and watch your bond grow stronger with every passing day.
Learn more about: 5 Reasons for Disobedience in Toddlers and How to Avoid It